Fight or Flight

Hands shaking, palms sweating
Heart beating, mouth drying
The acute stress response system starts kicking in
Slowly, the words I’m meant to say, I start forgetting
This has happened so often, I find it tiring

There’s no microphone, no stage, no camera to record me
At least that bits comforting
The scars from last time are all too vivid
So for a long time, I cried and hid

The views online gave them ammunition
The shares on Facebook felt like being shot with a rifle
At school, they tore me down guerrilla warfare style
Except not with guns and grenades
But with humiliation, teasing and whispering

It sucks to know I could have prevented the ignition
By not uploading something online the whole world could see
Never did I know people could be so childish and vile
Or that pointing and laughing could feel like a thousand blades
Oh, and don’t forget those provoking fake smiles.

Of course, I’ve learnt something from then
One excruciatingly bad experience won’t form a pattern
Unless you let it happen
And even then it’s probably due to a self-fulfilling prophecy
Not something you can see empirically
So once you fall, get up graciously
And if you fall again, invest in a helmet and keep getting back up

So where was i?
Autonomic nervous system kicking in
Adrenaline gushing through my veins
But this time I’m not going to flee
I’m going to FIGHT.